Headlines From An Alternate Timeline

Posted on February 15, 2012

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US Reinstates Military Draft

2/15/2012 President McCain announced today that he’d ordered the US Selective Service System to begin sending conscription notices to American males.

It’s the first time America has used conscription, or ‘the draft’ as its commonly known, since 1973 in the waning days of the Vietnam War.

President McCain says his decision to resume the draft is not one he wanted to make, but as the United States faces the prospect of open hostilities with a nuclear armed Pakistan, along with the Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Libya and Syrian wars, the Commander and Chief says he had no choice.

“It is with a heavy heart that I call on my fellow Americans to share in the sacrifice we’re asking of our youngest and bravest. As our National Guard bears the burden of securing our southern border, and protecting citizens from the  scurrilous ‘Occupy’ insurgents, we just don’t have enough boots on the ground to protect America in our War On Terror”.

Vice President Palin echoed the president’s sentiments, “We didn’t want to do this, both President McCain and myself feel that in the best of times, an all-volunteer army is the best option for the country. Unfortunately, as the Un-American occupy protesters terrorize our job creators with their violent and illegal protests in New York City, with our southern border facing daily incursions by illegals immigrants coming to steal jobs from Americans and as war with Pakistan becomes increasingly unavoidable, volunteers just aren’t signing up fast enough, and so we feel a military draft is the only solution”.

In other news from the nation’s capitol today, new tax incentives for US corporations were announced.

Treasury Secretary Donald Trump took a break from filming the latest edition of his wildly popular reality show, The Celebrity Apprentice, to explain why cutting the corporate tax rate to 5% was necessary; “We have to get the economy moving and taking the burden off job creators is the quickest way to make that happen. With oil prices at $250 dollars a barrel, American companies just can’t compete effectively in the global economy”. 

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