Reading, Righting, Arithmetic and Bullets

Posted on January 22, 2013


Suck on that School Shooters!

Suck on that School Shooters!

The perfect gift for your favorite teacher!

‘In direct response to the deadly school shooting in Newtown, Conn., a Maryland armor manufacturer has developed a handheld white board for classrooms that can stop a bullet from a handgun fired at point-blank range.’

That’s right, a bullet proof chalk board!

According to George Tunis, CEO and chairman of Pocomoke City-based Hardwire, the 18-by-20-inch, 3.75-pound white boards are meant to slip unobtrusively into the classroom as a teaching tool while being large enough to cover the head and torso. Each has three rubberized handles on the back, handy for a teacher to carry. In an emergency, the user can slip a forearm inside the handles, and it becomes a shield.

Imagine the possibilities, the bright side of murdered students translates to fabulous new market opportunities!

Show your teacher some love with a shiny red apple grenade, perfect for those occasions when a student or guest goes crazy with a weapon inside a school!

Make your teacher aware that he/she is #1 with a bullet, give ’em an assault pencil sharpener.

Don’t forget the multi-lead loaders and #2 magazines, rumor has it the feds may be trying to make them illegal soon so for Heaven’s sake hurry out and stock up today!

Tell your teacher, I don’t wanna sparkly star sticker on an A or A+ test, show us kids how much you love the 2nd Amendment, gimme a genuine Ninja throwing star.

And you don’t have to be a teacher to staple with style; Ginsu Knife Staplers will keep your important papers together and serve as a last line of defense against armed attackers at school.

But wait, there’s more!

Military style night stick rulers are the only way to measure success and bust some skulls in the classroom.

There’s poisoned thumb tacks, Post-It Notes preloaded with Smallpox and razor tipped rubber bands, just the thing to make learning fun and safe!

Oh, and what about kid themed bullet proof backpacks you ask?

Well, we ain’t forgot!

I feel better about my kid's safety just looking at this, don't you?

I feel better about my kid’s safety just looking at this, don’t you?

Kevlar Kids By Gosh!

Available soon at Toys-R-Us, Wal-Mart  and other fine retailers.

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