From the Archives: My October 28 2004 Presidential Election Email

Posted on March 15, 2013

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WARNING: Political opinion ahead!
So back in the day, in the ancient past, the time before Facebook, before Reddit and Chrome, before Twitter and even preceding MySpace, we used mass emails to annoy our friends with goofy jokes, spread urban legends and express our political opinions.
This is an email I sent to all the friends in my email address book almost nine years ago.
It was four days before the 2004 Presidential election:
Dear Friends,
I’m attaching a report from Drudge to this e-mail.
First up if your voting for George Bush on Tuesday and nothing at all will change your mind then stop and hit your delete button now.
As most of you have heard Osama is alive and kickin’ and still hanging out with his MTV-Al Jazzera camera crew as witnessed by a brand new videotape.  Yes, the man who planned and led the 9/11 attacks is still with us and still taunting and threatening us (see the article below).
I feel so much better that Saddam was run into his “spider hole” and is now in “Iraqi” custody, don’t you all feel safer?  Within months of 9/11 we were told over and over that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.  Does the phrase “We don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud over one of our major cities” sound familiar?
Compare this to the administration’s claims of today “The war wasn’t about weapons of mass destruction but part of our overall war on terror.”
HUH?
Was I transported into an alternate reality?
I don’t think the president is dumb as many claim, on the contrary, I think of President Bush as the ultimate Jedi Master.  Remember that scene from the first Star Wars where Obi-Wan says to the evil storm troopers “These are not the droids you are seeking” and uses the Jedi mind trick and they believe him.
Half of America now believes that the Iraq war wasn’t about weapons of mass destruction.  “These are not the droids you are seeking”.
I actually heard a radio program the other day where a caller claimed that we invaded Iraq because it was the terrorist’s stronghold.
Yeah that’s why 15 of the 19 maniacs that hijacked those planes were from Iraq.  Oops, my bad they were actually from Saudi Arabia.  Osama is also a Saudi Arabian.  They (the Saudis) are our allies in case you didn’t know.
Maybe they are the damn droids we’re seeking?
Do I like John Kerry?  Hell no!  He’s a Lurch look-a-like with a Nazi wife who cannot shut up.  He’s a liberal Yankee and rich as King Midas.  But I’m voting for him this Tuesday because I think any president who can invade a country under false pretenses and cause the deaths of innocent young American soldiers for oil money at the very least doesn’t deserve to hold the office of the most powerful human being on the planet.
Ask yourself this: is your son or daughter worth Iraqi children getting vaccinations or going to school or their parents being able to vote?  Call me a cold blooded bastard but I say NO!
It’s not.
And please don’t point to all the so called “good news” that everybody from Bush to Rush Limbaugh are telling America.  They say that’s what the so called liberal media aren’t telling you.  Well hell, who cares if an American soldier or two or ten or one hundred died today?
The Iraqis are finally free and everything is just peachy in Iraq.  They want you to believe that most Iraqis are just thrilled with the way things are in their country.
The pictures and video and the flag draped coffins tell the real story.  I apologize if I’ve offended any of you with these comments but I could not help myself from sharing my opinion with all my friends and family.
I’m proud of my country and I don’t want free abortions for everybody and I don’t want the government to take half of mine or your paycheck to pay for big entitlement programs and yes dammit I love Jesus too.
If you think this war wasn’t about oil money or about big companies making billions then research the Vietnam war and find out how many billions Haliburton and McDonnell-Douglas and many other companies made in that little fracas, that we lost by the way.
But hey our cause was just and so what if 58,000 American kids had to die and thousands more we’re physically maimed and emotionally scarred.
I’m voting Democrat this Tuesday and I hope you are too.  But even if you’re not I still hope you are my friend.  Thanks for listening to my wild rant.
And if you hung on this long then ask yourself a final question:  Which was a bigger and more damaging lie?  “I did not have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky” or “Saddam and his weapons of mass destruction are a clear and present danger to the United States”.
I know which of those falsehoods I find more offensive and damaging to my country… do you?
Thanks for being my friend and God Bless America.
Next Tuesday everyone voted for John Kerry, the evil Bush/Cheney regime was unseated and everything was peachy and perfect in America from that day forward…
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