Air Supply Is On Satan’s iPod

Posted on March 18, 2013

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An old friend reminded me of something my school principal said to me when I was 11 years old.

It was in relation to a horrid news story in my local paper about a man who’d been arrested after he (allegedly) intentionally burned his own child with a space heater.

http://www.thenewsstar.com/article/20130318/NEWS01/130318006/OPSO-Man-accused-burning-3-year-old-space-heater-choking-battering-2-people

I’ll leave the analysis of this horror to my betters. Like many of you I’m sure, the evil insanity of such an act is just something I cannot wrap my mind around.

But after I linked the story on my Facebook page my friend Johnny Ringo commented, ‘Clearly this man has played too many violent video games and listened to too much Marilyn Manson’, and damned if that didn’t make me laugh a little.

That’s how my mind works, I grasp at humor when confronted with something awful and Johnny made me giggle after reading about this (alleged) bastard burning his baby.

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I Blame Elvis

Johnny Ringo knows a bit more than the average bear about music, he is a writer – http://johnnyringoreviews.wordpress.com/

His remark about Marilyn Manson reminded me of another time I heard someone blame modern music for the decay of society.

The year was 1981 and yours truly was attending a private religious school because my grandmother was convinced this was the only was to stop my heathen ways (Spoiler alert: it didn’t work, but not because she didn’t try, God rest her soul).

We went to church everyday at this school only we called it chapel for some reason. We had hymns, prayers, a sermon or two and finally (hallelujah) all us middle school sinners got to confess and ask the Lord to forgive us. But we called it chapel instead of church, maybe it was because there was no communion offered, that could be it but I’m not sure, I am a heathen after all.

So one day our principal, who doubled as pastor more often than not during chapel, presented us a lesson on the evils of modern music and one phrase has stuck in my mind and still makes me laugh to this day. He said, and I quote, “You listen to Air Supply on the radio if you want but I get my air supply from GAHHWAAD”!, end-quote.

My 11 year old brain couldn’t understand that…

Did he mean Air Supply, the Australian band who sang syrupy, silly love songs that only my mom and other dumb girls enjoyed? Air Supply? A band so safe that Boy George & Culture Club could beat them up on the Top 40 playground?

Surely not. Air Supply, a band with tunes so bland and boring any schoolboy caught singing along with them got an automatic beat-down on the bus? That Air Supply? Listening to ‘I’m All Out of Love’ or Here I Am (The One That You Love) qualifies me for all-inclusive permanent vacation in hell? Air Supply music is playing on the radio when one travels the road to an eternity in torment? ‘Making Love Outta Nothing At All’ is the Devil’s Music?

But I hated that music! I was more about naked models as explained by the J Geils Band (which inevitably led to ‘The Stroke’ by Billy Squier).

If Air Supply sent you to regular hell then surely my musical selections would have me bunking with Hitler or Judas (Iscariot, not Priest) or John Lennon!

The wheel never stops spinning though. Johnny was making a joke when he referenced Marilyn Manson but just three months ago, in the wake of the Sandy Hook Elementary massacre the ‘blame the music’ crowd showed up just as they always do.

Why do people do evil things like torturing children as this man is alleged to have done? I have no answers, no clue, not a single insight at all. Are there evil people? Or just ordinary people who do evil things? Beats the hell outta me.

But I know one thing and I feel sure about this; it’s not the music.

Now pardon me, I feel like turning up some music, feeling some Highway to Hell by AC/DC right now.

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