Browsing All posts tagged under »Jokes«

Random Tweets – Giraffe Riddle Edition

October 30, 2013

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Sometimes, late at night while the world sleeps, I sit on my front porch, stargaze and wonder; Mr. Mister ever get that broken wing fixed? Alcohol may not solve my problems but water, tea nor milk have ever offered me any investment tips. Or made you prettier for that matter. How happy are people w/saved […]

Random Tweets – June Edition

June 4, 2013

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Attention singles, I know Valentine’s Day is a tough day but take heart, you could be dating Oscar Pistorius. This morning President Obama came out firmly against the drinking of Drano. Tea Party folks, I think you know what needs to be done now. FOX News hires Herman Cain cause screw Michael Steele. Herman Cain […]

Random Tweets (Early Spring Edition)

April 15, 2013

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You gotta fight… For your right… toooo SCOTTY!!!’ – Sh@t my James Doohan fans says That TV show Hart of Dixie sucks and not just because of how it reminds me that Robert Wagner killed his wife. “Show us your cleats!” Traditional call to encourage football players to give you plastic bead necklaces. One of […]

A Friday Edition of Random Tweets

February 22, 2013

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The “condom” is a weapon that kills billions of children each day worldwide but you won’t hear President Obama talk about that now will ya? Dear Destiny’s Child, I’ve tried in recent years but I am still thoroughly unprepared for your particular brand of fruity bread spreads. If Ryan Adams & Ben Gibbard were to […]

Kneel Before Random Tweets!

December 26, 2012

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Whenever you pronounce, ‘Alls I’ve got to say is…’ you’re setting humanity back on the evolutionary scale so stop doing that please. Have you ever hated someone so much that you wish you could go back in time and kill their mom? I have not, I just wondered if you had. If you ‘liked’ George […]

And Yet Another Edition of Random Tweets

December 21, 2012

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I don’t just think Chris Brown is an asshole, I think his fans are assholes too. I don’t just despise the Kardashians, I also loathe those who ‘keep up’ with them. And if you’re a fan of Honey Boo Boo sterilization = mandatory. Or you must self-deport. From Earth. I could never leave my pets […]